27 February 2007

You Can't Fill a Hole in Your Heart with Yarn*

*But you can try.

[I started this blog to keep track of all the wonderful knitting things I've found online and to keep track of my projects. But sometimes life intrudes. Apologies for the paucity of knitting content in this post.]

I've suddenly gone full-on SABLE (Stash Accumulation Beyond Life Expectancy):

-a sweater's worth of 100purewool in Sky
-a minisweater's worth of 100purewool in Pasionaria
-a skein of 100purewool merino laceweight in Blue Knots for something
-a few (five?) skeins of 100purewool Corriedale for hats in various colors
-an order of Schaeffer Nancy in Jane Addams for a sweater
-the Mermaid (Hourglass variation) Sweater's Blue Sky Alpacas Alpaca Silk, which I'm going to have to start again, since the body is twisted (sigh)
-Cherry Tree Hill sock yarn
-Mountain Colors Bearfoot sock yarn
-Kidsilk Haze in Candy Girl for a neckwarmer
-Misti Alpaca laceweight from a destash
-Sheep #3, which is turning into a top-down raglan shrug thing

Yes, all the 100purewool was from a group buy, and the Blue Sky Alpacas and Cherry Tree Hill were bought on sale at YITF, and the destash was, well, someone's destash, so the only full-retail yarns are the KSH and Bearfoot. And the Sheep 3 is a sample for YITF. But still.

That's a LOT of yarn.

The past year has been the most difficult in my life, especially the past few weeks. My husband has gone in to rehab for alcohol in Maryland, and my world has gone to pieces. Luckily, my family has been there for me, my LYS and knitting groups are full of wonderful people, and Isobel is my sunshine every day.

I've had to take care of my daughter, my pets (yes, even the dog I "whispered" back from the woods for his sake), my house, and my job alone for the past three weeks. I've had to consider hiring a lawyer. I've had to try to focus at work and be functional at home. I've had to drive 115 miles a day to get Isobel to daycare and me to work and home again. And there's another week to go. I've learned that I am capable of more than I ever thought. I only wish I was writing about my knitting abilities.

And then he'll be back, and my world will change again. Doubtless his world will change, too, but I can't do anything about that. Yes, I've figured out detachment. With love, even, thanks to the Family Wellness program this past weekend.

My mother suffers from clinical depression. She went through years of talk therapy and sorted out all her issues, and she was still depressed. Living in a tunnel with no light at the end depressed. Drug therapy and ECT had to intervene before things got better depressed. And I always thought that the worst thing in the world would be to be depressed. To be so helpless against the dark. But the worst thing is to love that helpless person. To have a grip on the world and have them not take your hand because they can't even see it.

I bought the Bearfoot to make him a pair of socks.

1 comment:

  1. It really is surprising to find out how strong you can be ... and a lot of times, it's not even conscious on your part, you just suddenly realize you have been able to keep going.

    I hope things will turn around for you soon. But regardless of how long it takes, I hope you'll remember to take care of yourself as well as everyone else.

    And in my opinion, socks made out of Bearfoot would do anyone a world of good.

    I'll send whatever prayers and good thoughts I can your way.


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